Struggle #1: Returning to Work
March 1st is the date I am dreading the most in
2013. I return to work that day. I get emotional just at the thought of going
back to work – even though March 1st is still several weeks
away. I had hoped and prayed with all my strength
that I would be able to stay at home this time, with both Kate and Mason, but
that’s not the situation I have been placed in.
God has different plans for me. I
have been blessed with a great (new) job opportunity that starts March 1st
but I’m still in denial and keep hoping that something will happen between now
and then to allow me to stay at home. Maybe we can win the lottery - haha.
I hate the idea of leaving Mason the most. Kate is independent, self sufficient and
thrives at her school. It doesn’t bother
me anymore to drop her off at school – she needs that. It was a terrible struggle for me when she was
younger but as she got older, it got a little easier. My biggest fear is that I’m going to miss
Mason’s milestones – sitting up for the first time, crawling, walking, talking
etc. It hurts so badly to know he’s my
last one and I will never get this time back.
I always pushed these thoughts aside when Kate was little because I
would tell myself with baby #2 things would be different. If only…
I’m hoping writing my thoughts down will help me get over
some of this anxiety and dread. I don’t
want to continue to be depressed about the situation. Why am I focusing on it so much? I get mad at myself for wasting so much time
and energy (and tears) dreading returning to work instead of cherishing these
last few weeks I have with the kids. Although Justin is my best friend and knows all my thoughts
and concerns (happy and sad), I know it burdens him when I discuss/complain
about not being able to stay at home. I
know he wants that for me as badly as I do, but neither of us can control every
situation and this is one that is currently out of our control. It hurts when I hear another friend has chosen
to stay at home. What a blessing it is to
have the choice. I wish it were me.
Resolution #1: Cherish these last few weeks with my children
and have a positive attitude about returning to work.
Struggle #2: Finances
Although I am relieved to be home with the kids until March
1st, it comes at a big financial sacrifice. I feel so selfish being at home for these
extra two months knowing we have no income until the end of March. The expenses associated with selling a house
(at a loss), buying a house, having a baby, Christmas, higher bills associated
with a larger house, etc have all added up quickly. This financial strain is one that has been
present for the past couple years since we have been living on a reduced income
but it is at its peak now. We are
currently relying on savings, but it worries me that this (selfish) decision
might hurt us at a later time. Justin
and I have worked so hard to get out of debt (with the exception of the
mortgage) and I would feel horrible if I put us back into that situation.
I start to get overwhelmed when I think about all the
additional investments that need to be contributed to in addition to the
monthly bills – two retirement funds and two college savings accounts. I want to pay our mortgage off early and I
also want to have sufficient money in our savings accounts to take care of any
major house/car repairs that might have to be done in the future. It’s a simple solution – save more, spend
less. Now I just need to act upon that
advice!
Resolution #2: Have faith.
Struggle #3: Health
Concerns
January 2011 was the month that changed our lives forever in
a way we had hoped we would never have to deal with. It has been a long two years for me and I
know it’s even harder on Justin. I pray
that he will get the right combination of medicine and we won’t have to worry
about another episode. Each episode that
occurs means two things: the medicine is not working and Justin can’t drive for
six months.
I wish I could take all these health concerns away but I can’t. It’s a part of our lives now and I try to
focus on our blessings. His condition
could be so much worse than it is and it is possible to get it under control,
we just have to be patient and trust in God.
I know God puts circumstances in our lives that mold us as human beings
and shape our character. Sometimes we
face challenges for our own growth and sometimes we face them so we can relate
to others. There is a quote from the
movie, Evan Almighty, that I love and often think about to remind myself that
there’s a reason for everything:
Let me ask you something. If someone prays
for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the
opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage,
or does he give him opportunities to be courageous?
I have often thought maybe I’m so sick during pregnancy so
that I have some idea of how to relate to Justin and his health struggles. I can’t understand entirely how Justin feels,
but I believe God has put me in past situations so that we can lean on each
other. I know it’s hard to ask for help,
I know how it feels to think of yourself as a burden, but I also know how sincerely
others want to help. My experience has
helped me be more sensitive to how to help others. Some people naturally have this talent, but I
struggle with it. I’m embarrassed to say
I get so focused on myself and my family that I don’t always reach out to
others that are hurting. I want to, but
I didn’t always know how to.
Resolution #3: Let Go
and Let God. He is in control.
Struggle #4: Focusing on the hard times
It's easy for me to focus on the difficult times and I want to do better in 2013; it will be a great year if I have a positive attitude about it, despite the struggles and challenges my family may face. God never promised me life would be easy, but he did promise me to be there with me, to carry me through.
Resolution #4: Focus on the happy times!
To begin on resolution #4, here's a list of things I am looking forward to in 2013:
February: Finding out whether Kate and Mason will have a boy or girl cousin. We are so excited for Aunt Katie and Uncle Jordan!
June: Beach trip to Destin with my entire family.
July: Baby Cowart's arrival (if he/she is on time).
August: Family trip to daddy's annual work conference in Tampa.
September: Kate's 4th birthday.
October: Mason's 1st birthday.
December: Christmas.
I saw this quote/verse on Facebook and loved it:
"Though we often wonder why God does what He does, we can be sure He does it on better information."
-Robert Brault
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." I Peter 5:6-7
"Though we often wonder why God does what He does, we can be sure He does it on better information."
-Robert Brault
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." I Peter 5:6-7
2 comments:
Thank You for sharing Rebecca. I loved reading this. It's the truth that our outlook influences so many of the things we see as burdens. Praying for you and hoping that in time, you will be able to stay home with your babies. Blessings!
I loved reading this post. I love how real it is. I feel like I really got into the mind and heart of Rebecca. :) Also, I love the scripture that you used at the end--One of my very favorites! The Lord is in control of every aspect of your life--from your finances to Justin's health and everything in between. He's got a plan, even when you can't see what it is! Keep the faith and know that it will all work out according to HIS will. :) xoxo
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